But some of the women had more than one partner; some had what they called f… buddies’, they didn’t want the hassle of a relationship but were still very sexual. ‘ They’d had long-term relationships where the sex was never about them, or they’d got caught up in the baby thing and running a house.
When one of my newly lovestruck older friends, a widow, tells me over lunch, You don’t know what good sex is until you’re 70, I can’t help thinking she’s either had a lot of bad sex until now or a treat lies in store at 70.
Post-menopause is not the doom and gloom everybody necessarily claims, Malta says. It is for some women but for a lot it isn’t. ‘ A lot of them discover for the first time that they can actually pleasure themselves. Some women said to me, I’d never had an orgasm in my life until I got divorced and found a new partner.’
And of course, the sexual possibilities can be more limited for women
Other couples are happy to close the book on that chapter. I’ve seen enough dicks in my life, a 70-year-old Melbourne woman who doesn’t wish to be named tells me frankly. I couldn’t face all that at this stage. Happily, the man I met said, Look, that part of my life is over for me’ he has some health issues and I thought, Thank heavens.’ But we’re very physically affectionate with each other. Lots of snuggling. Very warm and very loving.
Put it down to biology, social conditioning or just another inequity of gender, but it’s easier for older men to seek out much younger partners and be congratulated for it.